The giant black menace

Per request, here are some pictures of the Giant Black Menace. Here he is attempting to look sweet and innocent:

And here's his hulking presence lurking around the dinner table, hoping something hits the floor:

Seriously though, Kenai is one sweet dog. He's lab and ???. We adopted him from the Humane Society back in April, when he was (as far as we know) about five months old. He was about 45-50 pounds back then, and they told us he'd probably hit 55 or 60 pounds fully grown. HA! He's around a year old now, and weighing in at 90 pounds. I'm pretty sure he's done growing, but he clearly has some filling out to do.

He's all lanky gawky puppy legs. His tail could wipe out a small village in one wag. God help you if he tries to go down the stairs at the same time as you. He's clumsy and tends to overshoot his destination when he gallops across the house. He's got a weird and annoying habit of walking just past you, then swinging his entire rear half up against your body. If you're only 33 pounds like B, this is the equivalent of a body slam.

He really only has three bad habits:

1. He's a counter surfer. He picked this up from my parents' dog. Those two idiots ate an entire mango-coconut souffle I'd left on the stovetop to cool. I walked into the kitchen to find them in the middle of a fight over the empty dish. A few nights ago, he ate nearly an entire loaf of pumpkin bread B and I had made. He pooped orange the next day.

2. His saucer-sized paws devastate my gardens when he goes tearing through them at full speed.

3. He's a licker. He's constantly licking us. We catch glimpses of him walking across the living room, casually licking the couch as he passes by. He'll lick ANYTHING.

In spite of all this, we adore him. He's 100% good-natured, not a drop of mean in him. He's been very easy to train and has excellent heeling skills already. I'm working on controlling him off-leash now. And he sleeps at the top of the stairs, in the hallway, right between our door and B's. That makes me feel very safe. Nobody in their right mind would come into our house with Kenai here. Even though if they did, all he'd do is knock them over and lick them to death.