One year ago

A year ago today, the phone rang at 3:55pm. I saw "Chinese Children" in caller ID, and I knew right away that this was THE call.

I knew before I picked up, even though they'd just told us three days before that we'd have to wait for the next batch for our referral, probably until February or so. You see, the Friday before had been my 40th birthday, and CCAI had told us back in September that our baby would almost certainly be in the next batch. Well, the next batch came in October, and by November 29, the referral announcements were starting to peter out. I'd somehow gotten it into my head that we'd get our referral by my birthday, and when they hadn't called by early afternoon that Friday, I asked M to call the agency and ask them what was up. That was when they broke the news -- there was no baby for us in this batch, and we'd have to wait until next time.

I was disappointed, but also a little bit relieved. No more keeping my cellphone glued to my body whenever I left the house, no more jumping each time the phone rang, no more lying awake all night wondering if tomorrow would be the day. I could relax and start getting anxious again in February. I had a big birthday party on Saturday, and I must have said, "No, it probably won't be until February at the soonest" a thousand times that night as all our family and friends asked about our baby girl from China.

Then there was the phone call on Monday afternoon, December 3 (by the way, the call came at exactly the same time of day that B was born, to the minute! a coincidence that still gives me chills). I was surprisingly calm, at least until I hung up. I immediately called B up from the play room to tell him "You have a baby sister!" We called M at work and got his voicemail, then got voicemail on his cellphone too. I blew off patience entirely and called the receptionist, telling her "It's a family emergency!" He was on the phone in seconds, and the email from CCAI with pictures arrived while we were on the phone. We opened it together, and all three of us saw this face for the first time:

It was just a phone call, but it literally changed our lives. Everything has been different since. Having been through both pregnancy & childbirth and adoption, I have to say, that referral call & seeing the photos for the first time are more exciting than finding out you're pregnant. At least it was for me. Pregnancy is just the beginning of a long process, and your baby is still an unknown. Even when B was born, I was so out of it from general anesthesia that I couldn't fully appreciate the moment. But getting that call, seeing Z's face for the first time, was a moment that's unmatched in my life so far.