Things that surprise me

1. Wyoming is windy. I know, everybody knows this and I shouldn't be surprised. But did you know that the wind starts blowing literally at the moment you cross the state line? I drove up to Cheyenne today, and the instant I crossed the border, a gust of wind came out of nowhere and nearly blew me into the next lane.

2. I watched Ted Haggard on Oprah the other day, and felt pity and grudging admiration for him. What's that? You're surprised to read that I watch Oprah? I do. I'm rarely home alone when she's on, but if I am, I usually try to watch. I like her. I know that's not popular to say in some circles, but it's true. But I digress. You remember Ted, right? He's the evangelical ex-preacher of a Colorado Springs mega-church who was revealed to be a gigantic hypocrite and liar when a gay prostitute outed him in 2006. Ted was brutally honest, self-critical, and apologetic on Oprah. He made a point that I think was a good one: we all have thoughts we don't like, and sometimes we are driven to act on them even when we know it's not right. Most of us cruise through life ignoring these thoughts or wishing they'd go away, and are lucky that they never become compulsions we cannot resist. Ted was forced by the publicity to face what he regards as his dark side, and has come to terms with it. He's been through therapy, and come clean on the gay sex and drugs to his family, friends, and church. He's realized that the lies were killing his soul, and admitted to his hypocrisy. All of that takes a person with some courage and strength. I also found his grown kids to be very likable and well-adjusted, although I didn't like his wife so much. It was mainly because she repeatedly implied that homosexuality was a sin, and that her husband could choose to be straight.

3. People in Illinois are still talking about how great ex-governor Blagojevich is. COME ON people. He's a liar and a crook. It's certainly admirable that he's done great things for poor and working-class people in Illinois, and from what I hear his expansion of the state's health coverage for kids has helped many people. But that doesn't excuse the fact that he failed to live up to our shared basic values and ideals. He's scum, and it's sad that people keep saying they're so used to corruption in Illinois politics that they aren't really shocked by what he did. I hope somebody steps up to the plate and fixes things in Illinois. Maybe they need Reverend Haggard up there.

4. I recently observed a floor session in the legislature of a state that shall go unnamed, and they actually had a lengthy debate over whether or not smoking is bad for your health. Hello?! This was capped off by a long and impassioned speech in which a legislator implied that only Nazis would ban smoking. I have to admit that although the guy's arguments were ridiculous and frankly insulting, his speech was very eloquently delivered and also highly entertaining and at times funny. Points for delivery, dude.

5. B has grown an inch since December. A full inch in just one month! No wonder his pants all look like highwaters lately.

6. Not a single House Republican voted in favor of the economic stimulus package yesterday. Not one! I honestly find this shocking. Not a single Republican had the guts to buck the party line and support the American Citizen Bailout Bill, as I have decided to call it. Their discipline as demonstrated by this adherence to orders from above is admirable, but dudes, c'mon! We're sinking here. I think that 20 years of Reaganomics-inspired governing led by tax cuts have provided ample evidence that IT DOESN'T WORK. Quit your whining and DO something.

7. I enjoy hanging my laundry out to dry. No, that's not a metaphor for spilling all my dark secrets and revealing the skeletons in my closet to the world at large. I actually enjoy hanging my laundry out to dry. I don't mean the cost savings on our utility bill from not running the dryer, or my small part in saving civilization from the threat of global warming. Don't get me wrong -- those are nice fringe benefits, and are in fact the reasons that I started line-drying our laundry to begin with. I'm saying that I'm surprised to find that I enjoy the act of hanging our clothes on the clothesline. Think about it: it's always done on a fairly nice day -- it has to be at least 40 degrees outside and sunny, which is at least 75% of my laundry days, probably more. It's nice to be outside on a day like that, to hear all the midday noises in our neighborhood. I hear the birds, an occasional dog, a siren in the distance every now and then, the neighbors behind us talking about everyday life. It's peaceful. I also find that I do a lot of my serious thinking while I'm hanging out the laundry. And our laundry smells great after it dries in the sun. It's all just enormously satisfying to me for some reason. However, I'm sure that if for some reason I had no choice but to line-dry all our laundry -- say if our dryer broke or something -- I would instantly hate it with a passion.

8. AIG is giving bonuses to their brokers this year, averaging $1.13 million per person to over 400 people. These are the people who were selling the mortgage backed securities, the Exact. Thing. that got us into the economic sinkhole we're all drowning in right now. Way to go guys, you deserve a cash reward for that! (Yes, I hear it's actually paid in cash. What -- do they hand out briefcases full of unmarked bills at a secret meeting held at a resort or something?) AND AIG received a massive infusion of federal cash late last year to "save" it from financial ruin. So, um, doesn't that make it OUR money they're using to pay bonuses to the assholes who got us into this mess? Bastards. I know this is a family blog and I try to watch my language, but I can't help myself here. Dirty bastards. The government should demand that they either cancel the bonuses or immediately repay the money (our money!) that we generous taxpayers so kindly invested in AIG last year. I am SO glad, so very very glad, that Bush and his cronies are gone. I have absolute faith that while Obama and the people he's chosen to work with him may not be able to undo this particular evil perpetrated by the Bushies, they will not allow another one like it to happen on their watch.

9. I have kept my promise to myself and avoided the toxic bloggers. Why does this surprise me? Because they are an irresistible magnet to me. They spew nonsensical lies and half-truths to support their mean-spirited ideas, use "I'll pray for you" like a weapon, and hurl insults at me and anyone else who disagrees with their loony ideas. I have a very hard time letting that kind of thing slide by me without speaking up. But I've done it. I haven't visited a single toxic blog since I made that vow back in November. It's liberating, I tell you.

Why nine things, and not a nice round number like 10? I dunno. I ran out of ideas. Plus, Jon Stewart has been on for 7 minutes now, so I'm missing the news (he calls it "fake news;" I say it's better than the "real" news). You could tell me something shocking and I'll add it as #10. Or you could just tell me what has surprised YOU lately.